Australian Football

 

 

Adelaide Crows
Flying away

Brisbane Lions
It's Alive!...Maybe

Carlton Blues
Swapping the silver spoons for the wooden spoons

Collingwood Magpies
Side-by-side in scandal

Essendon Bombers
The most hated of teams

Fremantle Dockers
Send in the clowns!

Geelong Cats
Good, even elite, until it really matters

Gold Coast Suns
Football or the beach? The beach it is!

Hawthorn Hawks
Not the coolest kid on the block

North Melbourne Kangaroos
From butchering shinbones to road kill

Melbourne Demons
Like Collingwood, they like white powder

Port Adelaide Power
Statistics matter and Port has 119 reasons not to forget history

Richmond Tigers
From eat'em alive to eat our own alive.

St Kilda Saints
Can't ever say Saints' fans are band wagoners

Sydney Swans
Blood is thicker than water

West Coast Eagles
The AFL equivalent of McDonalds

Western Bulldogs
On welfare and on the move

GWS Giants
A marketing disaster on a par with AFLX

 

 

 


Gold Coast Titans

Tide comes in, tide goes out

Professional Rugby League arrived on the Gold Coast in 1988 in the form of the Gold Coast Tweed Giants. The club didn't fare too well. For local men, it seemed that watching big hairy gorillas tackle each other in mud was no match for surfing, and admiring those feminine beach sights that appealed to the superficial man. For women, it seemed watching big hairy gorillas was no match for sunbaking, and admiring those masculine sights that appealed to the superficial woman. An additional problem was that rivals Brisbane Broncos had a contract stipulating that they could be the only club in South East Queensland. As a result, Gold Coast had to play in Tweed Heads in NSW.

Struggling for fans, the club changed its name to the Seagulls in tribute to the Seagulls licensed club which was their primary source of revenue. But once more, the name didn't work so the Seagulls club withdrew its funding and the club searched for new identity. The club found it in the form of the Gladiators. Although they were Gladiators in name, they were not in nature as they never even made it inside the coliseum to do battle.

With the Gladiators not even playing a game, the club became the Chargers. It is not clear why they wanted to copy the San Diego NFL team by the same name. Maybe because the Brisbane Broncos, and the Nth Queensland Cowboys had such success with American names, the Gold Coast club believed that Queenslanders harboured a desire to become the 51st state of America.

Although the Chargers had some success, it was culled in the peace deal following the Superleague war of the 90s. Consequently, the Gold Coast returned to being a place where men looked at women, women looked at men, men and women looked at each other, and teenagers went searching for what men and women so enjoy doing.

Along with the youngsters finishing their schooling, the Gold Coast also attracted old people from the southern states who were finishing their careers. Soon the Gold Coast became the Australian version of Miami. The region was full of men who had discovered that they had a favourite chair, and department stores reported a massive spike in the sales of tartan blankets.

With the oldies unlikely to head to the beach (at least not the moral ones anyway), the NRL figured that there was a population on the Gold Coast who would watch league on TV, or venture to the football grounds where they could be bitter, yell abuse, and ponder the great stars from the good old days. And so in 2005, it was announced that a Gold Coast team would again be part of the NRL and would play their first season in 2007.

As the Gold Coast was the Australian version of Miami, it was decided that the team may as well copy Miami completely by also taking the name of Miami NFL team, the Dolphins. And so the Dolphins became the Gold Coast's latest incarnation.

Unfortunately for the club, in the enthusiasm to mimic America, it neglected to do its local homework to ascertain whether the Dolphin name was available. In reality, the name was being used by the Redcliffe Dolphins in the Queensland state league. The failure to know of its use didn't really demonstrate a great deal of respect for local rugby league.

Unable to use Dolphins, the club backtracked and said it was looking for another name once more. It found one in the Titans, a name used for the Tennessee NFL team.

Early prospects looked ok as the Gold Coast ran second in merchandise sales in their first year, and had solid crowds; however, the Gold Coast property bubble then collapsed. This was a particular problem for the Titans as in 2012, it was revealed that the property companies that owned it were more than than $30 million in debt. The club then had a public relations disaster on its hands when it refused (or was unable to) pay tradesmen who had worked on its property developments, particularly its “Centre of Excellence” training facility. These tradesmen vowed never to support the Titans. Average crowds of 20,000 in its first year fell and never recovered.

A firesale and a change of ownership allowed the Titans to survive for a few years but it was simply delaying the inevitable. In 2015, the club was put into voluntary administration and the licence given to the NRL. Once more a Gold Coast rugby league was bankrupt, which had a bit of a ground hound day feel about it. Like the tide coming in, one day Gold Coast has a rugby league team that seems to be going well, but then the next day, the tide has gone out taking rugby league with it.

Rivalries

Brisbane Broncos - Good rivalries are based on some kind of similarity. Ideally, success is a good point of comparison, but Gold Coast hasn't had any of that so it is geographic promoxity that it must rely on to have an enemy.

Gold Coast Titans jokes

1) There is a Gold Coast psychiatrist that has a thriving practice, particularly during the football season. He tried an idea-association test on a patient and asked her what came to mind when she thought of something brown, firm and had smooth curves. " A football" said the patient immediately. "Good. And what comes to mind when two arms slide around your waste?" "An illegal tackle" was the instant reply. "Now picture a firm set of thighs" "a full back!" "Top marks" said the psychiatrist. "Your answers are perfectly normal. You would be surprised by some of the silly answers I get."

2) The chief executive of Brisbane, Gold Coast and Melbourne were all invited to a party. The Brisbane executive brought six bottles of XXXX. The Melbourne executive brought a six pack of VB. The Gold Coast executive brought six friends.

3) The Gold Coast coach was playing the pokies and hit the jackpot with winnings of 20,000 dollars. "We've made it at last" he exclaimed to the team. "What are you going to do with the begging letters?" the team asked. "Keep sending them I suppose" he replied.

4)If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Titan fans wear thongs?

 

 

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Gold Coast Titans

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New Zealand Warriors

Parramatta Eels

Penrith Panthers

South Sydney Rabbitohs

St George Dragons

Sydney City Roosters

Wests Tigers

 

Other


Team names for Australian sports clubs

The mystery of AFL's invention

Why does Australia have two codes of rugby?

Why kind of country has four codes of "football"?

Why aren't American sports more popular in Australia?